


Hey Google, what do I do when the child I look after calls me dad?

by Bakudont_be_weird



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Awesome Rowena MacLeod, Castiel & Meg Masters Friendship, Charlie Bradbury & Arthur Ketch Friendship, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Everyone ships Sam Winchester/Lucifer, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Good Older Sibling Gabriel (Supernatural), Good Older Sibling Lucifer (Supernatural), Good Older Sibling Michael (Supernatural), Good Sibling Raphael (Supernatural), Healthy Relationships, Lucifer Loves Sam Winchester, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rowena MacLeod & Sam Winchester Friendship, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23945518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bakudont_be_weird/pseuds/Bakudont_be_weird
Summary: Sam had went through a lot of things in his life but none so strange as adopting the son of the Devil, sharing custody with said Devil and then proceeding to fall in love with the Lord of Evil. In which Jack considers Sam and Lucifer to be his fathers, Dean and Cas are oblivious and protective over Sam, Rowena makes friends and so does Crowley, Meg and Charlie get all the good things they deserved, the Winchester boys are pursued by their angels, Adam is not forgotten, Jack learns what it means to have feelings for someone, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mary, Ketch and Raphael are the ultimate wingmen and everyone ships Samifer and Destiel. Chuck isn’t there but he and Becky are the ultimate fangirls when it comes to the Winchesters.ORBasically just a collection of one-shots surrounding Team Free Will 2.0 and their friends and family while the author denies half of canon.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Meg Masters, Gabriel/Sweets, Jack Kline/Kevin Tran, Jack Kline/Pureness, Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Michael/Adam Milligan
Kudos: 60





	1. Hey Google, how do I know if I'm dating the Devil?

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck Kevin's death. He deserved better. That's all I have to say. Also, fuck Meg's death. And Charlie's. Just... I hate everyone's death. Except Metatron. He deserved it, fight me.

The Bunker was a peaceful place. It was an area that allowed people to unwind when they weren’t hunting monsters. There was nothing loud or rambunctious about it. Nothing really happened and while it may seem cold, the silence in the bunker wasn’t stifling but rather comforting. It was a wonderful place to be.

“Honey, we’re home!”

Well, it was peaceful and quiet before the Winchesters.

Dean immediately went to the kitchen, followed by the ever silent Castiel. Jack was talking animatedly with Sam who spoke to him with a softer tone and a fond look in his eyes. Crowley was the last to enter the bunker, muttering angrily to himself about ‘stupid humans’, ‘dumb moose’ and ‘damn ghouls’, whilst picking off pieces of ghoul from his body.

Lucifer was already waiting for them downstairs, legs propped up on the table and thumbing through a book. He paid no attention to Dean and Cas who in turn ignored him, but looked up with a wide grin when his son and Sam approached.

“Hey kiddo! Did you have fun? Smite anyone?”

Jack beamed at him, “It was great! It wasn’t a zombie though.” Here, he pouted. He always wanted to see some real zombies. He brightened up soon enough through, not even the reminder that he hadn’t seen a zombie dampening his mood for long. “It was just a ghoul again but I got to shot it. And I can’t smite people, remember?”

Lucifer just smirked, “Not in front of those stuck ups you can’t. I, on the other hand-”

“Will shut up and not encourage killing people.” Sam cut in, glaring lightly at the Devil.

Said Devil raised his hands in a placating manner but it was ruined by the smirk he bore.

“Yes, yes. Killing is bad. Smiting is bad. Jack shouldn’t do it. I know, I know.”

“Do you?” Sam had his arms crossed and Jack’s eyes flickered between the two of them. There was something awfully familiar about this, he thought. It clicked suddenly and his next words shocked both men out of their bickering.

“Are the two of you dating?”

Sam gaped at Jack. Lucifer merely stared at his son in silent disbelief. Jack didn’t know what he had said wrong so he decided to explain himself. Maybe then they would understand what he was trying to ask.

“You’re both my dads and you act like those couples of the TV. Doesn’t that mean you’re dating?”

Sam blinked at him, jaw off the ground but Lucifer had a gleam in his eyes as he stood up. Moving next to Sam he put a hand on the other man’s arm. Sam looked at him confused, about to ask what he was doing when...

“Why yes, Jack. We are, in fact, dating.”

Jack nodded triumphantly, glad he had read the situation correctly. Therefore he missed the reddening of Sam’s face, the hissed question of what the hell was Lucifer doing and the shaking forms of Charlie, Adam and Dean as they watched the interaction, desperately trying to keep quiet. Castiel was confused but when he tried to speak up, Dean shushed him desperately.

“Does that mean you’re going to be married?”

That broke the trio. They howled with laughter, clinging to each other as Sam stammered out a negative, face like a tomato and Lucifer just stayed quiet, also trying not to laugh. Jack was confused because didn’t people who were dating get married? So why was Sam denying it? Maybe they weren’t ready for it? Interesting. He noticed the laughing trio finally, Castiel looking hopelessly lost. What Jack said next though sobered the three up but sent Sam and Lucifer into hysterics.

“What about you and Castiel, Dean? Are you getting married? Or you and Meg,” he looked at Charlie and then at Adam. “What about you and Michael?”

The three of them blushed furiously while Castiel wondered why Jack would think he and Dean would be married. Shrugging, Jack left to watch some more Netflix, leaving confusion, embarrassment and hilarity in his wake.


	2. Hey Google, how do I force two people to admit their feelings?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it all.

Raphael didn’t understand humans. He was an angel, one who didn’t bother with humans as a personal rule. After all, until recently he had thought that humans were nothing more than hairless apes. However, he had begun to see their uses and had started to learn about them and their ways. One of the things Raphael had learned since coming to Earth was the emotion humans called ‘love’. Granted, he didn’t feel romantic love towards anyone, but as time passed he was able to recognise how he loved his family.

However, just because he didn’t feel romantic love towards anyone didn’t mean that he couldn’t see it when it was right in front of him. Case in point: his little brother and Michael’s true vessel. Castiel and Dean. It had been a shock to see how close they were, especially considering Dean’s general hatred in Heaven and angels, and Castiel’s soldier nature. They were a very unlikely pair and at first, Raphael felt worried that his baby brother was making the wrong choice. As time went by he began to rethink his original assessment as he saw how the two of them acted when around each other.

Personally, Raphael felt that they would be good for each other but didn’t feel as if he should interfere. He figured that they would sort out their feelings for one another soon enough and was content with sitting back and watching them silently, waiting for when one of them would gather the courage to ask the other out.

That was three years ago.

Raphael had found it endearing at first, and he was amused to watch his little brother struggle with his feelings for the older Winchester. But now? Now it was maddening. It was frustrating. It was so damn irritating to watch them dance around each other to a song of denial and Raphael was sick of it. As it turned out, so was Gabriel. And Balthazar. And Ketch. And Mary. And Sam. Charlie, Meg, Adam, Michael, Lucifer, Rowena, Crowley, even Jack. Everyone was so completely done with the two of them.

Which lead to Raphael laying in wait, hiding behind the store room door, shielded by Gabriel with the two of them working alongside Arthur, Mary and Balthazar. The two archangels waited for Mary as she brought Dean to the storage room, where Castiel lay unconscious after Ketch and Balthazar got the ‘drop’ on him, as the humans said. The plan was to trap Dean and Castiel in the room and not let them out until they admitted the full extent of their feelings. Sam and Adam had been willing to help out but Lucifer and Michael had all but forced the two humans into taking them to a popular food establishment known as ‘McDonalds’. So they were out.

After they had left, Gabriel had muttered to him that their next mission would be to, “Get the other two Winchesters to admit their feelings to our brothers. I swear, why are all Winchesters so damn stubborn?”

Raphael wholeheartedly agreed with him.

There was flurry of wings and suddenly Balthazar was standing next to him, “Okay, so Mary is bringing Dean here. Get ready to shut the door, Rapphie. Destiel is going to set sail!”

And with that, he left.

Blinking in confusion, Raphael tilted his head, turning to Gabriel in confusion.

“What did Balthazar mean by making this ‘Destiel’,” he used the weird ‘air quotes’ Lucifer had taught him around the word. “Sail? What is this ‘Destiel’?”

Gabriel shrugged, unwrapping a candy, “It’s a ship name for Cassie and Dean-o. Basically, it’s a mashup of their names to describe their status as a couple. Just search up ‘Destiel fanfiction’ on the computer and you’ll see what I mean.”

That didn’t really answer Raphael’s question but he accepted it nonetheless, filing away the reminder to search up this ‘fanfiction’ when he got the time. (He did, later, and was so scarred by what he had seen that he locked himself in his room and refused to talk to anyone that wasn’t Mary or Jack as they hadn’t been ruined in his eyes by fanfiction. When he did emerge he made a point to not look at Dean or Castiel for a solid eight months. On a side note, Gabriel had been stuck to the ceiling after Raphael revealed who had told him about fanfiction. Lucifer trying to get Sam to be his defence lawyer in case he was ‘accused of a crime he may or may not have committed’ was totally unrelated.)

But right now they were ready to trap a seraph and a hunter in the same room together. With the knowledge of Ketch and Mary on human ways to escaping a locked room, and Gabriel, Raphael and Balthazar’s knowledge on how angels could be trapped combined they had managed to make the room completely and utterly escape proof. They had even hidden a camera in there (Sam and Adam had been adamant in getting a copy of the video when they came back).

“And why couldn’t you just get this spider yourself, mom?”

“That’s Dean,” Gabriel muttered, making sure that he was hidden from the hunter’s sight.

Raphael could clearly hear Dean and Mary as they argued back and forth about why Dean had to be the one to get the spider. He watched as they approached the room, Raphael and Gabriel invisible to Dean, and the moment Dean entered the room, Raphael closed and locked the door.

“Hey! What the fuck?!” Came the muffled shout. Then, a little quieter, “What the hell, Cas? Are you okay?”

There was a groan and Castiel muttered something that seemed to reassure Dean as he continued to bang angrily on the door.

“Hey! Open up!”

“Sorry Dean!” Mary called back. “But until you and Castiel work out your feelings for each other, I’m afraid you’ll be locked in there.”

Some cursing followed her statement and then the murmur of a conversation – too quiet for Raphael to make out – and then silence. Gabriel stretched, sitting in front of the door with a bowl of skittles to his left and a computer in his lap, watching the live feed from the camera. Mary settled down next to him and after some hesitation, Raphael joined the other two on the floor.

Three hours passed with Dean doing nothing but try to get out of the room with Castiel sitting on a chair they left in there for the majority of that time after he determined that he couldn’t get them out because of the sigils the angels had placed around the room (they couldn’t be tampered with despite Dean trying to scratch them off the wall). Raphael had been reading a book while Gabriel and Mary played some card games. Ketch had came by but had to leave when Charlie asked for his help in picking out a gift for Meg. Balthazar, too, had stopped by but quickly left although not without teasing his trapped friends to receive some choice words from Dean and Castiel’s patented ‘I’m not ready to deal with your bullshit’ stare at the camera.

Finally, five hours in, Dean had given up and resorted to brooding in the chair opposite Castiel who looked for all the world like a kicked puppy. Six hours in and Castiel spurred the conversation, getting Dean to start talking and they began to fill what had been a tense silence. It had taken the rest of the night for them to start opening up and, finally, the three outside the door decided to let the two inside out.

Only for Dean to jump up and begin running after them, swearing vengeance at the top of his lungs. Castiel followed him at a more subdued place with a small smile on his face as he watched Dean chase Mary and the two archangels around the bunker.

Still, Raphael thought as he watched Castiel and Dean cuddled up to each other on the couch, it was completely worth it.


End file.
